Adventures in Surrogacy

My womb is once again home to a teeny baby soul. I'm writing this long before I publish, because it's still so early on, and we have been very cautious up to this point.

A year ago, my best friend had an embryo placed into her own womb. Her cervix had been uncooperative, so her and her husband patiently proceeded with all the IVF steps, and then the doctor implanted. We all waited with held breath, and convinced her it would take. Baby dreams, baby vibes, all the things hopeful friends say to each other. This was their second try. 

Infertility had never crossed my mind much, aside from distant friends causally mentioning it, or reading articles about it, likely never past the first paragraph. I spent so much of my adult life trying NOT to get pregnant, as I am a carrier for a rare genetic disease, and kids are expensive and scary! My first baby happened as a beautiful accident, and a surprise that years of birth control didn't render me infertile. But with the struggle of a close friend, I became more aware of infertility. It hurt me that this very attainable dream of theirs was stuck in limbo. Soon after Marissa found out that the second round of IVF didn't take, I talked to my husband about possibly becoming a surrogate. And then, after a month of thinking, I offered my thoughts to her and Johnathon. She cried, and we both cried. There is a lot of crying in IVF. 

So today I am 5 weeks pregnant with their baby. We started shots and medication on April 24th. I learned how to do the Lupron injections into my own stomach and congratulated myself fore being THE MOST bad-ass. Two weeks later, I would find that those are nothing compared to the Progesterone injections. Marissa still comes over to do those, I'm way too weak. You have to insert, make sure you didn't hit a vein, then insert thick oil into butt. I'm glad she lives so close. My veins hurt when I type the word 'vein.' 

On May 23rd, we transferred 'Sugar' --as Luna calls him-- into my uterus. It was quick and painless. The doctor thanked us for being part of a team, and we all cried. Marissa and Johnathon babysat me and the kids during 3 days of bedrest, which was actually nice and relaxing. Super Tribe Mom Abby took Luna on trips and ran my booth at a farmer's market. The village that comes together for this sort of thing is amazing. I am so in love with all of my friends and family. I'm so proud of them for being so selfless and interested in growing this baby. 

5 days after we transferred, I started peeing on sticks. I told Marissa I wasn't going to tell her the results, and it was so damn hard. There was a definite line, and the line darkened every day. I told a bunch of our friends, I was so excited for them. Monday, we got the call that my beta was 1503 and I'm definitely pregnant! Marissa and Johnathon are beyond thrilled. Everyone is crying their heads off. 

Now we wait for second beta test tomorrow, and ultrasound next week. I'm trying not to eat everything, and my body SHUTS THE EFF DOWN every day, which usually means I have to nap. I forgot about the narcoleptic part of pregnancy. 

The most common question I am asked is 'won't it be hard to give up your baby?'...followed by 'wow isn't pregnancy hard?' I still haven't perfected my answers, so I usually say this: 'Marissa is my best friend, I've known her since we were 5, and she is like a mother to my children. I know that she would do this for me, were our situation reversed. Plus I like being pregnant, and I like having something that I can contribute to our tribe of friends.' It's a lot more than that, of course. It's a lot of emotional thoughts all day...I want them to be parents. It's hardly a year of my life. It's good for me to be healthy, rested, sober, productive, mindful. My kids will understand sacrifice in a deeper way, I hope. And to the constant 'give up your baby' question -- it's not mine. It's all their DNA, I'm just the oven. I'm hoping to be like a favorite aunt. 

I skipped the part where we spent forever signing contracts and signing paperwork, getting insurance, etc. It's long and boring. 

More to come after appointments. 

Love, Ally

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