Here is my feeble attempt to write what I've learned about motherhood. It will fill in the gaps of restlessness between working on my real job and other projects. To connect with readers, and to validate my obsession with being a mother. To procrastinate between art projects, to keep me awake while I'm waiting for my oil change or for my inspiration to kick in.
ME: 30-something with a baby. Not a mommy expert in any way. Absolutely in LOVE with my little girl and my partner. Life is hard, life is really rewarding.
Here are a few things I've learned.
I'll start with a list, and I promise to eventually expand and offer something more in the way of anecdotes.
1. I can't do everything. I've been a runner most of my life. Now, at this current juncture in life, I am not a runner. I am prioritizing other things. I still feel a jealous sting when other people post pictures of their running, and at some point I'll get back into the habit, because I'm a born runner (not in a braggy way, more in a hyperative dog sort of way) BUT I chose this path - I am working on other things now, I don't have time for everything. Finding time was really hard at first, and I didn't get anything done while I was on maternity leave. I bitched about how I could only seem to accomplish laundry. But that's how life is for most people. You either get ALL of the laundry done all the time, or you enjoy your life and family while you can. And I'm getting better at doing 10% of about 5 things and then calling it a success.
It's also really important now that I write down goals and achieve them. This isn't so much about motherhood, but about accepting time management into my life. I'm forced to accept help every day, from a nanny or a family member or Ben. I wouldn't be able to go to work, or breathe, or feel myself without them.
The other day Ben saw me reading in bed, and asked 'what are you doing!?' --but in a VOLUME that suggested surprise, like seeing a cheetah in the wild. I think I should prioritize reading more.
2. I love my partner. Ben and I are better when we consciously appreciate everything we do for each other. And when we plan things for us to do, outside of the house, and sometimes without the babe. Having a tiny disaster-toddler makes a LOT of work for everyone. It will always feel like you're doing more work than anyone. But we have so much time and so much potential to fall in love with each other every day, which is really special.
3. The simple life is amazing. We read books, snuggle, play, and go for walks. I love the time spent at the grocery store with my munchkin. Ordinary things become extraordinary when you have a really cute baby assistant. Luna has learned to spin this week -- she throws off her clothes and spins in circles until she falls down giggling. It's HILARIOUS. I'm sure every mother or father or aunt or uncle or grandma in the history of babies has also found this human development to their delight, I'm really gracious to join their ranks.
4. I have so much ability to love. I get full body chills when Luna does something funny, and she can't even talk yet.
That's all for now. More to come.
Here are some photos of Lu's 1st birthday, which was wildly successful (in that I didn't have a meltdown and everyone had food and beer).